MATTHEW BROWN: Does the portal have a fire escape?

Published 6:00 am Saturday, November 2, 2024

Now this is more like it.

Last Friday, the junior college football team at Garden City Community College in Kansas lost all six of its wins this season via forfeit. The team was No. 5 in the NJCAA rankings and found this news out one day before playing the defending national champions and No. 2-ranked Iowa Western. Lost the game 38-0.

If it’s any consolation, one of those games was a double-forfeit with a school from Michigan.

No, there’s no rejoicing in this major setback. My opening statement reflects how there are still rules that must be followed in college sports. The story from Garden City goes that the school officials themselves learned they had an ineligible player and self-reported the information to the NJCAA. They thought they had all they needed on this player from a previous school, but it turns out they didn’t.

It’s the age of player-empowerment, though, and after getting unlimited transferring ability, I wonder if this is the next target. Eligibility? You mean I can be ineligible to play for some kind of academic reason? We’ll see what the courts have to say about that.

And now, a special promotion from the new cable network ESPN Paranormal:

“Join us on College Football Playoff Selection Weekend for an exclusive anonymous interview recently conducted with the one ordinary human of, let’s say, middle age who boldly ventured where only the super- to marginally-talented has pre-approved access. Yes, this unnamed individual spent an unspecified amount of time – for time has no real meaning here and the corridors are limitless and endless – in that newly court-ordered dimension of athletic empowerment, The Transfer Portal.”

“So what did you see?”

“Dollar signs were thrown around in so many directions. There were levels, I, II and III. Hallways, must have been 25 …”

“We checked. The NCAA sanctions 24 sports.”

“O.K. Sounds right.”

“How did you get in? Wasn’t there some kind of gatekeeper checking eligibility requirements.”

“Hadn’t you heard about the recent challenge? What better time to sneak in when nobody’s checking IDs. But there was this one fellow, think he said his name was Tim. Asked me if I was a bowler. ‘We don’t get many of your type in here,’ he squawks.

“There was another room. Very crowded. Constant movement but no one really going anywhere. Tim said that’s the saddest thing you will see. Some enter the portal, but never find their way out.”

•••

You can finish this sports statement in numerous ways: “There will never be another …” Tiger Woods in golf is a great example. Rory McIlroy faded. Jordan Spieth faded. Scottie Scheffler I suppose has just one more great year on the course.

But the sports world lost quite a character prior to the start of the World Series. It had me thinking, “We will never see another manager in baseball like Tommy Lasorda.” Yes, I know, Lasorda passed on almost four years ago. Still, has there been a character like Lasorda, who spent 20 years in the L.A. Dodgers dugout, since he stepped away in 1996?

Who else would call for a squeeze bunt to beat the Atlanta Braves? Moves like that really irritated us, right? Who else would send a hobbled mess like Kirk Gibson was in the 1988 World Series to pinch-hit against The Eck, the game’s best closer? You knew if he made contact it was going over the fence.

And who else could make a star out of the recently-departed Fernando Valenzuela? Who would give this 20-year-old rookie an opening day start, keep him out there 9 innings practically every outing, and make a Cy Young and Rookie of the Year winner out of him?

Come to think of it, there will never be another pitching phenomenon like Fernando. The iconic wind-up was enough, but who else has songs recorded about him? Many, many pitchers since his debut won more games (like those with the Braves) and made the Hall of Fame. Fernando’s impact on the mound didn’t last as long as his actual career, but we are talking about him as much as Pete Rose when he passed.

There will never be another him either, Bryce Harper trying as much as he can.

The World Series broadcast this week indicated only a couple of pitchers use the screwball today. Fernando was all about the ‘Screwgie.’ I hear more about that pitch in softball now.

By the way, what happened to the following pitches: palm ball, circle change, fork ball, and every catcher’s favorite, the knuckler?

•••

Before I go, I do remember it is Georgia-Florida weekend, and I want to introduce a new fire rating system for college football programs. It’s not really new, we say these things all the time, but it’s time to give them some real definition so that we aren’t intermixing each term.

Dumpster Fire: Florida State, Purdue, Wyoming, Mississippi State despite their showing in Athens, Southern Miss. No telling what kind of smells can come from this

Tire Fire (burnt rubber can only smell one way, therefore not as noxious): Auburn, Oklahoma, Kentucky (again, how exactly was that a tough game for almighty UGA?), UCLA, Oklahoma State, North Carolina.

Camp Fire (enjoyable when making S’mores but potential to get out of control): Florida’s actually earned a promotion after the Dumpster 1-2 start, Georgia Tech but heading in wrong direction, Louisville, Duke, a slew from the B-10 like when Michigan and Michigan State play each other, USC and Nebraska, and two more SECs in South Carolina and Arkansas.

Then what should be a favorite of colleague Gil Pound, the Cookout (much easier to control): Vanderbilt, UNLV, Iowa (if you like them extra well done), Virginia Tech (best recovery behind Clemson and Texas A&M from Week 1) and Colorado (only due to so many Big 12 disappointments that don’t carry any heat: Arizona, Utah, Kansas). 

(If at all possible, give pet adoption a try through the Animal Rescue Foundation in Milledgeville. Donations of any kind are also in great need. ARF is a little red building at 711 S. Wilkinson St., and more information is available at animalrescuefoundation.org.)