EDITORIAL: Talk politics with family and friends, without losing family and friends

Published 9:45 am Saturday, September 19, 2020

The ever-growing divisiveness in American politics has led many people to make a rule prohibiting even discussing it, especially among family and friends. It’s not worth the risk, people think. While that may be true to an extent, the greater truth is that we need to discuss politics today more than ever.

Impossible, you say? Yes, it is for some folks, but it is for most everyone if handled wrong.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. There are ways to survive talking politics with family and friends, to grow in your understanding, and perhaps strengthen these relationships by thinking together about one of today’s most difficult topics. Consider these tips.

•Determine ahead of time that you are going to remain loving, respectful family members or friends throughout your discussion, and for years to come. Decide beforehand that by being loving, honest, respectful, thoughtful, tactful, diplomatic, and self-revealing, your relationship is going to be stronger and closer once this discussion is ended. This Step One might be sufficient in and of itself, but there is more to consider.

•Know before you begin that there will likely be comments with which you disagree. When this happens, freeze. Do not respond too quickly. Instead, carefully consider what was shared. Try to find something with which you can agree, and focus on that.

•If possible, stick to concepts and ideas. Do all you can to steer the discussion away from anything that might resemble a personal attack on anyone, especially on their character or integrity. This means no name-calling on your part, and perhaps a willingness to ignore it from your family member or friend. You may want to even request early on that the conversation sticks to concepts and ideas. 

•Know your stuff. Do your homework, independently. Do not merely parrot what you’ve heard or read from those pushing their views or agenda. Determine that anything you share is going to be trustworthy. If it is fact-checked, consider the comment carefully, rather than just dismissing it with an “Oh, they’re biased anyway,” though that may sometimes be true.

•In sharing your stuff, adopt a friendly, non-confrontational tone. It might help to picture yourself talking with your beloved mother or grandmother, rather than stepping into a boxing ring with a fearsome opponent, with a winner to be determined by judges counting which of you lands the most vicious blows.

•Be willing to learn. Assume you do not already know everything that needs to be known. This is not a sign of weakness, but of wisdom and strength. 

•Inject friendly humor, never biting sarcasm. Keep the atmosphere bright and light, not dark and angry.

•Know when to take a break, rather than let the temperature of the conversation rise too high. 

•Agree to disagree, but remain trusted friends.

•Don’t let the conversation end without a sincere expression of love or friendship, of gratitude for being trusted enough to attempt a discussion that too many people today are unwilling to even try. Sincerely wish the other person all the best, and invite future discussions on any topic.

Another key reminder: Follow-up. Let others know that you appreciate their willingness to discuss difficult topics. 

Remember: Family and friends should not be when their views are racist, offensive, unethical or in other ways offensive, but sometimes it is important to put aside political affiliation and differences to simply be kind to those around you.