MILLEDGEVILLE — "Shoo-be-doo, I wanna be your mattress man. Oh, how it seems when I hear those rusty bed springs.”

Mattress Man? A personal fave musical reference and certainly appropriate for the epistle to follow.

Well, it seems as if my beloved community theater group, the Milledgeville Players (and I am, of course, completely unbiased) has no sooner put one play behind them when it’s time for auditions for the next boffo production.

Such is the case here. “Moon over Buffalo” just completed its run, and now it’s time for auditions for the musical comedy “Once upon a Mattress.”

Debuting on Broadway in 1959, “Once upon a Mattress” offers a retelling of the traditional fairy tale of the Princess and the Pea. But it lets the audience in on many details you may have missed in the classic bedtime story version.

For example, did you know that Princess Winnifred actually swam the moat to reach Prince Dauntless the Drab? Or that, in fact, it wasn’t the pea at all that caused the princess a sleepless night?

The original version of the play made a star of a young actress named Carol Burnett who played Princess Winnifred. Many years later, Burnett would return to the cast in a revived rendition, only this time playing the scheming queen instead of the lovelorn young princess.

Featuring some wonderful songs, the play is hilarious, raucous, romantic and melodic. And also, a lot of fun!

Now whenever you are auditioning for a play, it’s semi-useful to know the actual performance dates. Just in case you have plans for attending the annual Pretzel-Polka-Pepperoni Festival in Walla Walla, Wash., and there is no way you could alter those plans. Maybe you have prepared a special Slovenian polka variation based on melodies from Frankie Yankovic and Sly and the Family Stone and have been working on it for years.

But if that kind of life-altering event is not in the cards, then all I can say is — come out and AUDITION!! Oh yeah, the performance dates — Aug. 18-22 seem to appear amongst my tea and poison ivy leaves.

Lovely Leanne Branch is directing this musical masterpiece. Leanne honed her directing talents last year with “Annie Get Your Gun” and is very excited about taking on a completely different kind of musical — from Wild West shows to Renaissance-era knights and ladies.

Everyone that was involved with last year’s musical seemed to agree that they had a great time, from audition through rehearsals and right up to the final production, largely due to Leanne’s enthusiasm. And there’s no doubt she will bring that with her again in directing this year’s retelling of princesses and small round green vegetables.

Monday, June 28, will be vocal and dance auditions. You should bring something to sing, preferably with accompaniment. A pianist and CD player will be available.

OK, we’ve been through this before, but here are a few pointers. Do not be nervous about vocal auditions. No one is going to be holding up score cards or banging gongs. It’s just to get an idea of what kind of vocal range you have.

I often get asked what kind of song someone should bring to sing. Well, the most obvious answer is one that shows off YOUR strengths. Don’t pick a song that you feel uncomfortable with or is out of your normal range just because you’ve “heard” it’s a classic audition song.

It’s good if you can do a “character” song — in other words, a song from a musical. But NOT the musical you are auditioning for. That is a MAJOR no-no. On the other hand, if you really can’t find a character song that you’re comfortable with, just pick something. And, though singing to a cd player is nice, nothing can beat actual sheet music that a pianist accompanies you on. And our prime pianist, Jenny Moore, can pretty much handle anything you put in front of her.

In terms of the dance part of the audition, again, don’t freak out. Men in particular tend to get frazzled at the idea of having to dance. In the audition, you will just be taught a few basic steps to see how well you can keep in time with the music and, hopefully, avoid stepping all over whoever you are dancing near.

Hey folks, I’VE done it! And if I can get this somewhat “portly” body moving without knocking over all the scenery, trust me, ANYONE can do it.

Tuesday, June 29, will be speaking auditions. No prepared piece is necessary. Folks will be reading “cold” from the script. If you’re not interested in a speaking role, you do not need to come out for Tuesday’s audition.

By the way, there are LOTS of parts for knights and ladies-in-waiting, so if you just want to do a little singing and dancing, trust me, you are NEEDED. Just head out to Monday’s audition and don’t worry about Tuesday.

Auditions will start at 6:30 p.m. and will probably go until sometime around 8 to 8:30 p.m.

Also, we really need a good tech crew for this play. This includes a stage manager, backstage crew, light and sound people and costumers. Behind the scenes folks are just as important (sometimes MORE important) as the on-stage performers, especially for a big old musical. If you would like to help out in this area, please get in touch with Leanne at dixiebranch@windstream.net.

Now, if you were paying attention, you may have noticed I left out one slight detail: Where are the auditions being held? Shhhh — it’s a secret.

Well, that may not help us get much of a crowd to show up. As of this date, it is still somewhat purple hazy as to where the auditions will take place. I can pretty much guarantee they will either be at Max Noah in Porter Hall on the Georgia College campus, or at Westview Baptist Church on Highway 49. But there are two possible ways to guarantee you will know exactly where these audacious auditions will be held.

One way is to be on the M’ville Players talent e-mail list. If you’re not on that, or you want to make sure you are, send an e-mail to jgeist@windstream.net. The other way is to contact Leanne directly via the aforementioned e-mail address of dixiebranch@windstream.net.

Hope to see you all there...uh...wherever “there” happens to be.

Now back to our opening lyric. “Mattress Man” appeared on the album “Electric Shocks” by Roger Ruskin Spear in 1972. “Huh?” I hear you ask. Mr. Spear was a member of one of my all-time favorite musical aggregations, the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band, whose music I have frequently referenced in this column. Roger provided alto, tenor and baritone saxes to the Bonzos along with robots and exploding devices at most live shows.

By 1972, the Bonzos had pretty much hit the end of the road and Roger was one of the first to come out with a solo album (“filled with as many hits as the Bonzos enjoyed”). And to really cement “Mattress Man” in my all time most accessible memory cells, his backup musicians on that particular cut were none other than the Flamin’Groovies, who, along with Moby Grape and the Beau Brummels, form my particularly eclectic triumvirate of great San Francisco bands.

“I wanna be your mattress man. Move over, there’s room for two or maybe 3 or 4.”

Catch you on the flip side.

Tom Toney can be reached at ttoney@unionrecorder.com.